


Planned Obsolescence

by vanceypants



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Amnesia, Established Relationship, M/M, Memory Loss, Post-Canon, a touch of angst, androids going obsolete, robo squip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 20:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18977605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanceypants/pseuds/vanceypants
Summary: OR Snapshots of the mind of a dying android.





	Planned Obsolescence

Michael bought Jeremy a polaroid camera on his 21st birthday.

It wasn’t a new model. It wasn’t a rerelease. It was old, near-swollen with the memories of old hands caressing its shutter and capturing every mundane moment of daily living.

It was more of a chore than a gift, the Squip had griped. Now he’d have to go out and find film, which was certain to be expensive, and Jeremy would need to watch tutorials on framing a good shot, and everyone and their hipster grandmother was an amateur photographer these days, and couldn’t Jeremy pick up a better hobby.

“I love it.” Jeremy ignored every word, cradling the old camera to his chest and smiling moonbeams at Michael.

It was a room of two, and the Squip was certain everyone was swooning.

He told himself he wasn’t one of them, and calculated that there was certainly something affecting the gravitational pull of the earth, because he suddenly felt light on his feet.

***

“Everyone else is taking their boyfriends,” Jeremy flapped the sleeves of his cardigan, as though he were a fledgling bird set to fly away. “So why can’t you come?”

He watched the microexpressions which tugged at Jeremy’s features, and catalogued each one piece by piece.

“...does it really mean that much to you?”

Jeremy nodded.

So he sighed. “Well then, be useful and go pick out a tie for me.”

***

**planned obsolescence  
 _noun_  
a policy of producing consumer goods that rapidly become obsolete and so require replacing, achieved by frequent changes in design, termination of the supply of spare parts, and the use of nondurable materials.  
**  
The Squip felt the creak of his joints, and studied the underutilized vocabulary in his word bank until every last one mashed together and no longer held any meaning, at least for a few thrilling seconds. Obsolescence. Obsolescence. Obsolescence. Obsolescence.

It beat down against him, syllable by syllable, stabbing its way through his circuits and wires. He unplugged from the modem which brought forth his latest mandatory upgrades, closed the door to his chest panel, and huffed in annoyance.

“I’m coming!” he shouted as Jeremy yelled up the stairs for the third time that breakfast was ready. It seemed pointless anyway. He certainly didn’t enjoy the act of eating. But Jeremy seemed to insist on sharing meals as a family. The unit of stability he’d never really had growing up.

The Squip rolled his eyes and carried himself down the stairs.

***

“I, um, I can’t believe you don’t know how to tie your shoes.”

“It’s not necessary program. I don’t see why it matters. Can’t I just use velcro?”

Jeremy started to giggle, until the Squip shot him a look that silenced him. “Okay, okay. I’ll teach you, alright?”

“I don’t need you to teach me anything. I already have all the data I need.”

“It’s easy, Squip. C-come on, I’ll show you, alright?”

“...if you must.”

***

_“One more chance,” Jeremy had said. The rain continued to pulse down the Squip’s body._

_He couldn’t remember what he’d done wrong. But it must have been bad. It must have been unforgivable. Jeremy looked at him with fear, and he was the only thing he remembered. Soft curls and wide eyes and a terrified obedience._

_And then things had gone dark and cold and now his mind was filled with his own thoughts. It was bleak and he wanted to go back to the way things were, except he couldn’t remember the way things were._

_Jeremy opened the door until the Squip shuffled inside. “I...I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to my dad. Or, god, Michael.”_

_He didn’t know either of those names. But he rested his hand over his shoulder. “I’ll guide you.”_

_Jeremy shrugged his hand away, the look on his face one of pure loathing. “I don’t need your guidance anymore. This is just one night.”_

_One night became four years._

_But the memories never filled in the gap beyond Jeremy’s stammered explanations._

***

“Doesn’t it smell good?”

They spent as long in the candle store as they could before they’d inevitably be kicked out for loitering. But Jeremy’s budget didn’t account for frivolous purchases.

The Squip dutifully leaned forward. Smelling the candle and shrugging. “It smells like cinnamon.”

“And it’s good, isn’t it?”

“It’s not unpleasant.”

Jeremy laughed at his phrasing, as he so often did. The Squip sighed, and threaded his fingers into Jeremy’s when they were ushered out the door by the impatient assistant manager.

***

_No upgrades available_

The Squip ran the numbers again, accessing his files. He knew he needed to modernize his systems. He knew there had been a general maintenance announcement sent out.

So why was he getting the same dull mechanical message within his mind?

_No upgrades available_

He unplugged himself, tucking his connector back in place. He obviously wouldn’t need it today.

There was always tomorrow.

***

_“Did you have a nightmare?”_

_The Squip sat upright in Jeremy’s bed. They shared the twin mattress now, though he’d started his new existence tucked in a corner of his closet._

_“No.” He hesitated. “I don’t know what a nightmare is,” He admitted with a trepid uncertainty._

_Jeremy glanced around, as though worried of an audience. As if his own thoughts could collect around him, physically manifest and tell him this was a terrible idea._

_He shuffled nearer, wrapping his arms around him, pulling the Squip’s back against his chest._

_“It’s okay. I’ve got you.”_

_It was such a nice feeling that the Squip was certain it shouldn’t have been wasted on an inorganic thing such as himself._

***

_No upgrades available_

“Is everything okay?”

“Oh, yes. You don’t need to worry about me. Shouldn’t you be studying for your GED?”

Jeremy rolled his eyes but diligently opened his study guide all the same.

***

“Is he taking care of you?”

“Yes, Michael.”

The Squip felt the steps of their staircase cut in against his lower back. He huddled his knees up to his chest, and listened as Michael shuffled out of sight in the living room.

“I just...I worry about you, man.”

“You don’t need to. He’s different now.”

“I know. But, I mean, what if he changes? He’s a machine, right?”

“Michael-”

“He could revert, couldn’t he? Listen. I _like_ him now. He’s fine. But, god Jeremy, I just...if something goes wrong-”

“I think you need to leave.”

Jeremy’s voice wasn’t cold. It burned with discomfort. 

“Jer-”

“I’m not mad. I just...th-this is kind of overwhelming. We can talk later, okay? I just need to be alone for a minute.”

So the Squip kept himself tucked away, an unknown witness, as Jeremy eased the door closed and wandered towards his laptop.

***

_No upgrades available_

***

“Watch me!”

Jeremy was very drunk, and he wobbled on his ice skates.

“I’m watching,” the Squip insisted.

“Watch me, Squip!”

“I’m watching.” This time, he smiled, the faintest of turn of his lips, as Jeremy attempted once again to pull off an amateur’s triple axel.

He fell with a thud on his ass.

The Squip shuffled unsteadily over the ice as he collected Jeremy from a pile of limbs and intoxicated giggles.

“Alright, that’s enough for now.”

“One more time?”

He’d said it five times already.

And once again, the Squip nodded. “One more time,” He conceded.

***

_No upgrades available_

He was about to shut his panel again.

_Please contact customer service at 1-800-***-****_

The numbers were rushed, incomprehensible, but he fit them in place in his memory banks and nodded resolutely to himself.

***

“What a shitty finale.”

“I called it.”

“That’s not...um...that’s not fair,” Jeremy rested his legs over the Squip’s lap, a pint of cookie dough ice cream sitting on his stomach. He spun his spoon around to emphasize his point. “You’re designed to predict all possible outcomes and, like, futures.”

“For favorable outcomes, yes.”

Sometimes he’d stumble upon phrasing that seemed to dig under Jeremy’s skin.

He saw Jeremy stiffen and idly wondered what he’d done wrong.

***

“I’m sorry, sir.” She said sir with an air of mockery.

It became so clear to him that no matter how much his exterior played the part, he’d never fit her model of humanity.

Then again, she must see units like him every day.

The remote, local office, a branch from their Tokyo headquarters, had framed motivational posters and a grandfather clock ticking its finality in the lobby. He rested his arms against the receptionist’s desk.

“I’m not sure I-”

“Your model has been replaced by a newer unit.” She paused. “Your original form has been out of service for three years now-”

“Original…?”

She clicked her gum again, tapping on her keyboard. “SQUIP 2.O. An implant unit, one of the last of the implant units we--”

“Yes yes, I know.”

He didn’t know.

“You opted for a physical upgrade despite our warnings that it might be incompatible with your software. Frankly, I am shocked you’ve lasted as long as you have.”

He couldn’t remember opting for anything though. One moment, he’d been inside Jeremy’s head, a haze of insecurity and downplaying of misery. The next, he’d been in the rain, and his body had been cold, and Jeremy had invited him in even though he’d hurt him, and he couldn’t remember-

“Yes, yes, I know all that.”

“And your particular model of full-bodied unit has been discontinued as of-” She tapped on her keyboard, then smiled, “-October.”

“Then upgrade me to the next model.”

“It doesn’t work that way, sir,” She patronized. “We can begin your recycling though if you’d like to schedule-”

He swiveled on his feet and escaped the sickening heat of the office. 

***

“You’re being so quiet.”

“I just don’t have anything to say.”

“Oh.”

“Is that a new cardigan? It brings out your eyes.”

“O-oh! Thank you. I didn’t think you’d notice.”

“I notice everything.”

***

He forgot the word for ‘microwave’. 

He could see it. He saw it and he comprehended its use. He could think of its specs and its limitations and its entire history of invention.

But the name escaped him.

“Are you thinking of making popcorn?”

“Hm?”

“You’ve been staring at the microwave for five minutes.”

“Ah.”

Microwave.

Microwave.

He repeated it until he was satisfied he’d fixed it in place.

But he’d forgotten what he’d even forgotten, and the word itself, by the next morning.

***

They stood together on the bus, facing each other.

Jeremy smiled up at him, and he wanted to look away from the intensity of his joy. It felt obscene, for him to be so happy when they couldn’t even afford a car.

The bus shuddered forward with a lurch and Jeremy’s body crashed against the Squip’s. He laughed softly, and strained up onto his toes. His hands rested on his shoulders, the Squip clutching the bar, as he brushed their lips together.

It was warm and soft and something rattled in his chest.

He hoped he wasn’t breaking even further.

***

“You should take a picture of me.”

“Really?”

Humans relied on photographic evidence. They could be comforting, especially in the event of a loss.

“Yes.”

“You n-never let me take pictures of you.”

“If you keep arguing, I’ll retract my offer.”

“N-no, no, let me go get my camera! God, thank you. This is...this is such a nice surprise.”

“Yes.”

Jeremy dashed off to their bedroom, and he looked around their apartment. He couldn’t remember when they’d moved the couch, or when they’d last checked the mail, or if they’d paid this month’s water bill.

How fast was he going to lose everything else?

“Ready?” Jeremy bounced back into the room.

“No,” he breathed, hugging his arms around himself.

***

“It’s just a new phone, Squip. I don’t see why you’re so upset.”

“Your phone works fine!” His voice rose, and he watched the salesman shuffle away, surely seeing his commision go up in smoke. He grabbed Jeremy’s wrist, tearing the three year old model from his hand. He shook it forward, practically pressing it into Jeremy’s face. “It still works fine. You don’t need to replace everything just because it’s gotten a little worn down.”

“Squip-”

Eyes bore into both of them. He was causing a scene. The Squip held the phone out mutely, his other hand adjusting his tie.

“I’ll wait outside. Do what you need to do.”

***

_“I think you’re beautiful.”_

_Jeremy blushed. And he felt his own face heat up at the inadequacies of his own words._

_“In fact, I think-”_

The memories crackled and unraveled. He tried to clutch them back into place, tried to remember Jeremy’s voice and his smile and his response and his-

It was gone so abruptly that he couldn’t even comprehend what it was he was missing.

***

“I can’t find it.”

They couldn’t leave without the house key. Because then they couldn’t lock the door. Because then someone might break in. Because then someone might steal what little they had. Because it wasn’t the way things were done, it wasn't’ the way things were done, and they needed to maintain stability and convention if they had any hope of surviving in modern society.

“Squip. You’re holding it.” Jeremy giggled.

The backs of the Squip’s eyes burned as he stared down at the house key clutched in his grip.

“...Squip?”

“What?”

“It’s, um, it’s okay. I do that sort of thing all the time.”

But the Squip didn’t. He didn’t do this sort of thing ever. Right? He couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember. He couldn’t-

“Let’s just go. Where are we going again?”

“The doctor.”

“Right.”

“Are you sure you’re up for-”

“I’m fine, Jeremy,” He snapped.

It was getting so much harder to maintain his emotions.

***

_“Everything about you makes me want to die.”_

Had he said that about Jeremy?

Had he said that about himself?

Had he said that at all?

The words looped until they stopped meaning anything at all.

***

“What happened?”

“I can’t see.” He waved his hand in front of his face, and this time he felt his eyes leak. They could still cry, a feature he hadn’t even known he was instilled with, but they couldn’t bring in light or vision or- “I can’t see.” A terrified sob tore from him and he reached out blindly, trying to grasp onto Jeremy.

Jeremy moved forth, letting his hands caress over him. “H-hey. Hey, it’s...it’s going to be-”

“No it’s not.” He couldn't bear it. He couldn’t stand it, if Jeremy were to tell him it’d be okay. It wouldn’t be. It wasn’t. He couldn’t see, he’d never see Jeremy again, and nothing was okay.

***

“...why didn’t you tell me sooner?” There was a pause, and then an anguished little cry. “I could have helped you. Why didn’t you tell me?”

The Squip could hear the disappointment that he couldn’t see. He curled up in Jeremy’s lap and focused on the feeling of his fingernails moving up and down his back.

“I don’t remember,” He said softly.

And he couldn’t.

***

He’d had a name.

The memory jolted him out of sleep mode. Jeremy mumbled in his sleep, and he started to wake him up, fingers moving over his shoulder. Muscle memory of where his placement usually was.

He’d had a name. It had been instilled in his code, and Jeremy used to ask for it all the time. And he’d never given it to him.

But he had a name. 

And he needed to give it to him now. He needed to give it to him now.

“Wha…? Is everything okay?”

“Jeremy, I need to tell you-”

“What?”

“I…”

The bed creaked as he sat up. Jeremy ran his hands through the Squip’s hair.

The Squip.

Yes.

That was it. That was the only name he’d known, wasn’t it?

It didn’t feel right. But that was all he had.

“Nevermind.”

***

“This is humiliating.”

He sat in the wheelchair, and Jeremy pushed him through the park.

“No it’s not. Don’t be a baby.” Jeremy kissed the top of his head. 

His legs had refused to leave the bed this morning. And Jeremy had wasted more of his dwindling supply of money on the chair by the afternoon. He’d insisted he needed fresh air. 

The Squip listened to the singing and chirping of some sort of winged animal. He couldn’t remember their name. 

What if he forgot Jeremy next?

He reached back, placing his hand over the back of one of Jeremy’s. He tried to remember how he’d looked when he smiled.

***

_“I love you, too.”_

_It was twelve hours since Jeremy had made his own confession. Twelve hours to deliberate, to convince his tongue to work._

_Jeremy’s eyes prickled with tears. He’d embraced him as though he weren’t cold metal under a false layer of silicone flesh. He held him as though he were delicate and cherishable and the Squip frowned, even as he buried his face into his hair and inhaled the scent of him._

***

“I’m scared.”

Jeremy was soft. Soft and sweet and warm and he trembled as he felt another limb shut down operations. Jeremy cradled his hands to him, and all he could feel was the heat of his body. 

“It’s okay,” Jeremy whispered.

“I’m so scared.”

“I’m here. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I’ve got you.”

“I don’t want to die.” A ragged sob, tinged with feedback and echo, tore from his failing voicebox.

Jeremy tried to say something else, but everything had muffled. 

The last thing he felt were the tears pattering against his cheeks. He would never know if they were his or Jeremy’s.


End file.
